Not Having the Last Word
Most of us are familiar with the spiritual disciplines of prayer, of fasting, of reading the Bible, and of giving. But what about the spiritual discipline of not having the last word? I was introduced to the idea by John Ortberg who told a story about Dallas Willard that has resonated strongly with me. He said:
“At the end of a class Dallas was teaching, a student was feeling arrogant and antagonistic. He raised his hand and mentioned a disagreement he had with Dallas that was both obnoxious and wrong…
“Dallas said, ‘Well, I think that’s a good place for the class to end. Let’s stop there, and then we will pick it up next time.’
“Another student asked him, ‘Why did you do that, because you could have just let the guy have it? Why didn’t you let him have it?’
“Dallas’s response was, ‘I’m practicing the discipline of not having the last word.’”
On the one hand, by not responding to the arrogant, antagonistic, obnoxious student, Dallas was denying him the satisfaction of the fight he was seeking. But Dallas was also denying himself the satisfaction of winning—which he could clearly have done.
2024 is going to be a year of people picking fights. You will likely find yourself baited by obnoxious trolls on social media, and by antagonistic friends and family members. Maybe you could easily defeat their flawed arguments. Perhaps you could even expose their arrogant motives. But by engaging, you’ll only be giving them what they really want—a fight.
Maybe, like Dallas Willard, this year we need to practice the discipline of not having the last word. Our silence can be a way of entrusting ourselves to God, and denying our egos their desire to win. After all, our calling in Christ is not to be right, but to be holy.
Resources
Book Recommendation - “How Minds Change: The Surprising Science of Belief, Opinion, and Persuasion”
Prayer
Almighty God, give us wisdom to perceive you, intellect to understand you, diligence to seek you, patience to wait for you, eyes to behold you, a heart to meditate upon you, and life to proclaim you, through the power of the Spirit of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Amen.
-Saint Benedict